How do you afford all those children? - Part 1

The first thing i'd like to say is that I will be writing this in two parts. The first part will be a background of sorts that has nothing to do with the financial side of raising children, but is just as important to say. The second part will cover the practical how to's that we apply in our family to be able to afford raising our children. So let me get started.

How in the world do you afford to feed and clothe all those children? Your husband must make really good money. I hear it all the time. I will say this, that while we are not living below the poverty line, we are by no means rich either.

I was just reading an article today that quoted the latest Dept of Agriculture's figures on how much money it takes to raise a child. They say that each American child costs an average of $204,060 to house, clothe, educate and entertain until the age of 18. I'm sure that does not include the cost of college either. That means it take $11,337.00 per year to raise one child.

If that were always true, then that means I would be spending $68,022.00 a year on my six children. I can definitely tell you that I am not spending that much. Does that mean I am depriving them? I think not.

The questions I get on how we actually make it work are legitimate concerns for most people. They just don't see how in the world I can really give all my children what they need. While this is not a post telling you to have a big family, I do want to show people that raising children can be done for less than what you think. Without making your children feel deprived, of course.

What do your children really need? Of course a home to live in that keeps the cold and the heat out, good food to eat, clean clothes that fit. That about covers the basic material needs for survival. Anything else we give them materially just adds comfort. Then, most importantly, they need need love, nurture, safety, support, guidance, relationship, training, and discipline. These are not written in any particular order, of course.

So then, why is it so expensive to have children? Is it really the rising costs of living? Let me share with you something I looked up. In 2006 the median family income was $48,201.00. By comparison, in 1955 the median family earned $4,919 (worth about $35,857 in 2006 dollars). That is less than what we make now, on average. Also, the average family size back then was 3.7 children. I think it is hovering right over 2 now.

Yes, things do cost more. I really think though, what has changed the most is our perception of what is needed. There is a difference between what we need to raise our children and what we want to give them.

It's completely natural to want to provide for, and give things to your children. It's what a loving parent wants to do, but don't let the things you give them be how you show them love. That's where it gets confusing for most of us.

I know that when I became pregnant with my first baby I told my husband that I wanted to give her everything that I didn't have. Now mind you, I wasn't neglected, but at a younger age I wasn't able to be involved in many things nor did I receive many of the things I asked for. I resented that.

As we added more children to our family we had to step back and evaluate how we were doing things. I felt that if I didn't let them be involved in more activities or give them more things, that my children would resent me too, like I did my own mother. I think it was at that moment that I realized that it wasn't the lack of involvement or the lack of things that I resented. It was the lack of relationship.

After that my priorities became clearer. I understood what my responsibilities as a parent were. Yes, I still give my children things. Yes, they are still involved in some extracurricular activities, but it is the relationship that I have with them that matters more than anything.

One thing I want to share with you is that we set goals for our children. A few of these goals are to:

*Raise our children to love the Lord

*Raise our children to become productive citizens. We want them to know how to run a household, how to have a good work ethic, etc..There are obviously more goals that we have for them, but I just wanted to share a quick glimpse with you.

So, what do we have to do as parents to help our children reach these goals? This is how we approach things when making decisions about what we give them or what they're involved in. It makes it much easier.

The responsibilities that we, as parents, have are those I listed at the beginning of this post. Besides the basics of providing them with food, clothing, and shelter. We are to give them love, nurture, safety, support, guidance, relationship, training, and discipline. When we apply these things, it's puts perspective on what's important and maybe not so important for our children.

Like I said, what I have written tonight isn't exactly the practical how to's that i'm known for, but this was just as important to say. It gives value to things that aren't material and encourages family relationships.