The End Of Me

I am a person who likes to fix everything and everyone. Lots of us are like that. As soon as one problem comes up I am coming up with different scenarios to fix it.

I have had, in the past, a plan A, B, C… 

Of course, God has always been my plan A, 

BUT if He didn’t come through I always had my other plans in place so I could go to if I needed. I did not rest until it was all settled.

There really hasn’t been many times in my life that I couldn’t fix what was broken

and make it right again.

I was super woman…super mom…

placed on this pedestal for all to be amazed at.

On the outside at least.

But I was so broken on the inside and I didn’t even know it. I thought I was fixing myself.

That is until God brought me to a place where He humbled me. He brought me to a place so broken where I depended on Him for every beat of my heart. 

No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn’t will my heart to beat. This was something I just could not fix. I had to depend on Him for my life.

I remember telling God,

when my heartbeat was 28 and I could literally feel my life leaving my body; that I couldn’t fix myself this time. That He would have to come through for me. There was no plan B or C, but I knew He could heal me if it was His will. You know what He said to me? All I heard was one word,

“Finally!”

In the Bible it says:

We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, 

about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. 

But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And He did rescue us from mortal danger, and He will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in Him, and He will continue to rescue us.

2 Corinthians 1:8-10

I had come to the end of myself.

It is that place where you know God has to intervene.

There is nothing that you can do.

You cannot rely on yourself, you have to rely on God.

He brings us to that place of total dependence and brokenness and that’s when He takes those broken pieces of our lives and redeems them,

to make them something good. It’s when He can come in and change us and then we can go out

and share what God has done in us.

God cannot multiply until something is broken!

He shows up right at that moment of the impossible.

Where we can’t fix it, where we can’t change ourselves,

where we can’t clean up the mess we’ve made and makes it all right. 

This is so He gets the glory. So we realize that it is God who did it, and not anyone else. That place where we aren’t working so hard, striving, begging to make things right in our life. Where we aren’t wrestling every day to change ourselves. It’s when we surrender and say, “God, I can’t do this. I can’t change myself.

I can’t make this happen, but you can. I don’t know where I’m going, but you do!”

In my circumstance I needed God to save my mortal body and my inner self. For you, maybe it’s something you’ve wanted to change but just haven’t been able to overcome. Maybe it’s a promise God has spoken to you that hasn’t come to pass yet.You are trying to figure out how to make it happen.

Maybe you’re trying to figure out what’s the next step to take in your life?

The Bible says:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Psalm 37:4

The Hebrew meaning for delight actually means 

to be dependent on God and to derive one’s pleasure from Him.

It is at that point, when we depend on God, that He gives us the desires of our heart.

The desire to change, to let it go and let God do it.

Our desire is Him, and it’s what He gives us.

It is He who does the changing. It is He who brings those things in our lives that He has promised.

It is He who guides us and gives us direction.

So, I encourage you today, to come to the end of yourself.

-Teresa