Thursday, May 29, 2008

Making the transition to home - Part 2

Last time I wrote a bit about my background in how I eventually came to be a stay-at-home-mother. I'm glad so many of you were encouraged by my journey. If you missed the first part of this series, you can read it here. This week, I would like to expound on being in agreement with your husband.

I really wanted to get into how to make your dollar stretch, but I have had many women commenting and emailing me about how they want to be home but their husbands don't see how they can make it. This is really one of the hardest parts. It can get as complicated as we let it, but be encouraged, it really is simple. I promise that my next part in this series will get to the practical points.

As I said last time, you have to be in total agreement to make it work. If your husband doesn't agree, then you could end up bitter and resentful if you don't respect his opinion also. Men are practical thinkers, most of the time, and can be afraid of bearing the financial burden alone after depending on two incomes for so long.
I think one small thing that helped Scott see that we wouldn't be financially doomed was when he began to see how capable I was of making our money stretch. I never once mentioned that I was doing it because we were struggling or that I wanted to come home. It was more of a game. He was and still is impressed by all that I have learned. It is actually quite humerous.

As his confidence in me grew, his confidence in himself grew. He knew we would still be in this together. That I would still work just as hard as he did to make it work. Not saying that this will work with all husbands, it's just what helped mine.

I am reminded of this verse in the Bible.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. 1 Peter 3:1

Without getting into a debate on submission (at least today), I really want to focus on the part of the scripture that talks about how a husband may be won over, without a word, by the conduct of his wife. Now I know that this scripture was talking about winning our husbands over to obeying the word of God, but I can't help but think that it could be applicable to other areas as well.

My attitudes and conduct can either help or hurt the situation. I could learn how to make our money stretch by cutting back on various things, by learning new skills that could bring in extra money or whatever else I may need that could help us. Or, I could complain about having to work. I could become upset that he didn't care about me or his children.

Sure, some men will give in to a wife's pleas after a time, but will they really be committed? Will they become resentful themselves? It becomes hard for everyone involved. What will it help to be home if the marriage falls apart?

I know it can be hard when you want something so much, but be encouraged. Be content in your situation and pray. Have a great attitude and conduct. Your husband just may be won over by it.


Cajunchic said...

I can come at this from the other side and tell you how true it is. Earl wanted me to stay home since we got married but I refused. the more he pestered the more I backed away. I even tried it when Jacob was small but resented Earl so much because I felt like he made me that I ended up going back to work. Finally he just let it go and started praying over it. After a few months I ended up going to him and saying I wanted to stay home.

Teresa @ A Life At Home said...

Isn't it funny how much more we can accomplish without a word? It's like the old saying, "Actions speak louder than words."

Kate said...

Wonderful insight Teresa. I think this is really one of the most important things. When I first came home, I spent lots of time writing out how I could make our budget work. But this just wasn't enough, probably because my heart was in the wrong place. I just wanted Eric to say yes.

When I finally let go and just let him in on my heart and my true desires, I knew he was thinking about from all areas. I did not have to convince I could do it. He realized that WE could do it together if we both just believed in it enough.

There were times when we questioned the wisdom of this decision, but God has shown us time and again that he is in full support of our choice. If I had just come home because it was what I wanted, I know our situation would have been much different and much more difficult.

I have come a long way on my Christian walk since then. Shortly after coming home I began to really study the bible for God's plan for marriage. I realized that because I was willing to submit to Eric's headship, I truly got the desires of my heart.

I hope you are feeling okay. I am watching your blog in excitement everyday, hoping to hear some happy baby news.

Dani said...

This was a wonderful post. I so need reminding of this everyday, especially the days I get frustrated. I know and see that God is teaching me so much through this process.

I know that God has placed this desire in my heart and he will see it to completeness. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself, it is a real blessing to me.